you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize