i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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