I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
