My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
