Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
