Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
