Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
