hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
