In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
