pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize