Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it's great music for shaving your balls
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
