I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
