She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
