Please, let me fuck your mom
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
