we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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