I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
