and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
