Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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