You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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