I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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