I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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