Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
