dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
