A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
