Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
