whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
