in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
