U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
