after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
