He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
