SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
