What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize