I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
