everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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