did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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