you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
