i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
