My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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