i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this beer tastes like vomit already
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
