I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
