There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
