at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize