I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
