he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
