yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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