She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
