Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
