The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
