Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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