I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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