Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
