I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
