I hate all girls vehemently.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
