If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
