just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
