whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
