hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
