Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
