What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
