I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
