I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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