We're facebook friends in real life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
