i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
