I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
