there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I could fuck to npr.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
