Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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