her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize